How can we lead a meaningful life? What should we do when life seems meaningless? These questions have occupied the world’s greatest thinkers since before recorded history.
What can I possibly say about them?
Well, I can tell you about a book I just read entitled: The Power of Meaning, Finding Fulfilment in a World Obsessed with Happiness by Emily Esfahani Smith. Her conclusions, based on extensive research recorded in footnotes and references that take up a third of the book, is that there are four “pillars of meaning.” If you want to lead a meaningful life, this is what you need. You might think of three almost instantly. The fourth may surprise you.
- Belonging and connection. We’ve all read the tragic stories of how infants are permanently emotionally crippled when denied affection and human touch. We’ve all seen studies of how the elderly live longer and healthier lives when they are socially connected. We all need the affirmation of friendship and to believe that we matter to others.
- Purpose. “Purpose is the forward pointing arrow that motivates our behaviour and serves as the organizing principle of our lives.” To make a difference in the world, even in a tiny way. To contribute to something larger than yourself, even if it’s your own family. People with a sense of purpose lead more meaningful lives. Sometimes it’s not always easy to find our purpose, because it’s a product of our unique talents, background, and interests. To know your purpose is to know yourself.
- Transcendence. The word, Smith says, means “to go beyond or to climb.” A transcendent experience is one in which we rise above everyday life to recognize a higher reality. Religion, of course, is a path to transcendence. But just to look up at the stars and reflect on the vastness of the cosmos or to consider the miracle of our human bodies or the birth of a baby, or to stand in awe before a masterpiece of art are all moments of transcendence. We feel our own insignificance before the universal mystery and rather than make us dejected, such transcendent moments can be life-changing, impressing upon us our connection with the universal and the importance of our fragile life.
- Storytelling. Ha! Got you. Who knew? Telling our stories connects us with others. It also allows us to reflect back on events to see their meaning. Which is necessary if we want our lives to have meaning. Storytelling is how we make sense of our lives and our own past actions. I recently had dinner with a woman I had just come to know. She spent a while telling me a story about how she had reacted to a difficult situation on an airplane. I think she was affirming that she handled the situation properly or maybe she was assessing her doubt that she didn’t.
When we want people to understand us, we share parts of our story. By telling or writing our stories, we can also gain insight into the personal narrative we have crafted. Some people tell of traumatic past events but end with the understanding of what they gained by having to go through the suffering or what they now have to offer the world because of it. Others are stuck in bitterness and tragedy. But it is possible to recognize and reframe our stories, not with an unrealistic Pollyanna attitude but with an authentic reflection. To see how past events have shaped us is to find meaning.
The Village Writing School has always felt like a mission to me—like my purpose. Other writer friends chastise me for spending so much time on the school rather than my own writing. I ordered Smith’s book when I was feeling beat up by the whole agent-querying process and my self-doubt was threatening to drown me. Her book gave me what I needed to hear: the power of story to heal us, to connect us, to give meaning to our life.
Finding our stories . . . and ourselves.
— Alison